Helping a Friend

How to Help

• Make sure you are in a safe location.
• Listen, and do not judge.
• Believe his or her story.
• Give comfort, if he or she wants it.
• Let him or her know that they are not to blame.
• Silence is acceptable as the individual may not want to talk. Your presence often speaks louder than words.
• Do not gossip about their situation to others.
• Care for yourself. If you're feeling angry, helpless, confused or hurt, get help for yourself at the Wheaton Counseling Center or another trusted location.

Resources and Options to Offer

For confidential support and guidance:

• For victims of sexual violence call a Confidential Advisor:

Marie Morrison, Ph. D Wheaton College Staff Therapist (1-630-752-5319)

Raven Fisher, MA, LCPC; Owner and Therapist of Nave Wellness Center, PLLC (1.877.929.6283)

• Wheaton’s Counseling Center (630.752.5321)Business hours: M-T 10am-5pm
  After hours: 8am-10am, 5pm-7pm, and Fridays 10am-5pm; Wheaton College
• Student Health Services (630.752.5072); or the local crisis center hotline (630.971.3927)
• Wheaton's Chaplain's Office (Ordained Staff) (630.752.5087)
• Offer to stay with your friend or to call another friend to stay with him/her.
• In order to preserve evidence, remind your friend not to wash, eat, drink, douche, clean, use the bathroom (if possible), or change clothes. If your friend does change clothes, be sure to save what s/he was wearing in a clean paper bag.
• Suggest medical treatment at Northwestern Hospital Emergency Department.
• Suggest contacting the Wheaton Police and/or Public Safety (630.752.5911). Remember, it is your friend's decision whether to report the assault or not (your friend's identity will be protected to the maximum extent allowed by law and/or College policy).

Bystander Information - The 4 D's

• Delegate. Ask for help from someone with authority (manager, supervisor, human resources, public safety etc.) Ask those around you to get help as you monitor the situation.
• Distract. Interrupt - Start a conversation with the perpetrator to allow the victim to leave or friends to intervene, or engage directly with the victim. Ask for directions or the time or something else to disrupt the encounter.
• Direct. Before intervening, assess your safety. Will direct confrontation make the situation better or worse? Directly call the harasser and call out negative behavior. Ask the other person if he or she needs help. Be polite, remain calm, and do not aggravate the situation. Do it as a group, say together:
  • • "Leave them alone."
    • "That is disrespectful and inappropriate."

Ask the other person if he or she needs help.

• Delay. If the situation is too volatile or potentially dangerous, walk away and check on the victim later.

Battle the Bystander Effect. The Bystander Effect is a phenomenon in which the more people who witness an emergency event, the less likely anyone is to intervene. But silence and passivity are not neutral. They encourage attitudes and behaviors that promote sexual violence.

Keep yourself safe. If you are not feeling safe, please call Public Safety or someone for help.