Responding to Loss

Adapted from Dr. Jamie Aten, Wheaton College Blanchard Professor of Humanitarian Disaster Leadership/Executive Director of the Humanitarian Disaster Institute

The experience with a tragic death can leave our campus grief stricken and in shock. After hearing the news, you likely started thinking about how students may have been impacted and how you can help. Here are a few recommendations to consider.

Acknowledge collective grief

You may be concerned that formally acknowledging a current or former student’s passing may be disruptive or that this may be more likely to compile students’ grief. However, not acknowledging what has happened will likely only make the “elephant in the room” larger and more challenging for students. Some examples of how College faculty and staff might acknowledge what occurred include giving a brief devotional, prayer, special scripture reading, or moment of silence.

Encourage faith

Helping students hold onto faith in Christ will help cultivate peace, meaning, and purpose during a difficult time. Let students know that it’s common to struggle with questions of faith during trying times. Remind them God is with us even in times of trouble. Some ways to help them draw upon their faith might include encouraging students to read scripture, stay involved in church life, discuss spiritual topics with others, and attend campus events. Be sure to also hold up students in prayer in not just the days but also in the months ahead.

Share resources

The close-knit nature of Wheaton’s campus means many students will have been impacted either directly or indirectly by a tragic loss. Another way we can help is to give students permission to seek help and to direct them to the numerous care resources available on campus (e.g., Student Wellness, Residence Life, Athletics, College Counseling Center, Chaplain’s Office, Student Engagement). Talking about resources helps reduce the potential stigma some students might feel about needing extra support. Doing this will also help remind students that they don’t have to go through tragedy alone and that people care.

Try to do what is normal in an abnormal time

Crises disrupt daily life. Taking small steps to help students regain some sort of normalcy will help them cope more effectively. This does not mean ignoring what has occurred but rather trying to maintain some structure in interactions. Familiar faces, schedules, and places can go a long way in helping students. There is something soothing and healing in routine.

Consider triggers

Take a closer look at upcoming plans from the students’ perspective. Consider how plans might be understood or might impact students considering what has happened. This doesn’t mean what has been planned needs to be changed. However, consider if some plans could act as a trigger or exacerbate students’ grief. Making some simple adjustments can go a long way in preventing additional distress.

Increase availability

Offering spiritual social support to students is one of the best ways to help. Arriving a few extra minutes early at work or meetings or hanging around a little more than normal afterwards will create space for connections. Doing so will create more opportunities for spiritual mentoring and support. Consider letting students know that you are available if they'd like to talk. Also be mindful of opportunities to help as you go about your week. For example, perhaps you notice a student tearing up as you pass them on the walkway or speak with them on the phone. Take a moment to check in with them. If there’s ever a good time for an open-door policy, it’s the days and weeks following a tragic death. Overall, keep in mind listening will speak more deeply than any words we might say.

Know when to refer

It is important to recognize when a student may need additional follow-up services from the Wheaton College Counseling Center or Student Wellness. If a student’s symptoms seem intense, don’t seem to go away with time, start to interfere with everyday life, or appear much later (further removed from the event) than would be expected, a referral by campus employees to Student Wellness through the CARES Referral Form in Gateway might be needed; parent referrals can be shared via email at student.wellness@wheaton.edu. Also look for signs of serious symptoms like extreme emotional reactions, impulsive or risky behaviors, and self-medicating with substances.

If a student might be contemplating harm to self or someone else, then a referral is critical. If there is the possibility that a student might be an immediate danger to self or others, make a referral right away independent of their consent by contacting Wheaton College Public Safety, 630.752.5911, who then will mobilize appropriate next response steps.