Refuge Becomes an Official Group for Students Questioning their Gender Identity or Sexual Orientation

“What if I was gay?” a student wrote on a campus bathroom wall.

“Then Jesus, and I, would still love you,” another student responded.

For the first time, Wheaton College has an official group for students to explore questions of gender identity and sexual orientation.

On Tuesday, Feb. 19, President Philip Ryken announced the existence of Refuge, the first Community Group under Student Government intended as a “safe place for students who have questions about their sexual orientation or gender identity.”

Such students may use various labels to refer to their experiences, and these include, but are not limited to, same-sex attracted (SSA), lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer or questioning (LBGTQ).

They represent a growing number of students vocalizing their struggles about reconciling being on a Christian campus while having questions about their sexual identity.

“Research indicates that this is one of the most at-risk student groups on campus,” Melanie Humphreys, dean of Student Care and Services, said. “And what I mean by ‘at-risk’ is at risk for self-harm or suicide. Each of the students I have come to know have experienced significant loneliness and isolation on our campus.”

One student was suffering from depression when he joined Refuge at the suggestion of his roommate, who had also been struggling with depression.

“Refuge saved (my roommate’s) life, and it probably saved mine, too,” the student said.

Refuge is not an entirely new group. For the past year and a half, members of Refuge have been meeting once a week with Humphreys, and during this time the group has grown from two students to about 15.

Refuge is also not Wheaton’s first attempt at engaging issues of sexual identity on campus. The college has answered these concerns with a number of responses, including the President’s Advisory Task Force on Homosexuality formed in 1993 and a spring 2011 chapel series, “Sexuality and Wholeness.” The Counseling Center and Residence Life have also been places where individual students could come discuss questions about sexual identity.

In April 2008, a student-initiated group entitled “The Forum” worked to start up conversations about same-sex attraction. Whereas The Forum was primarily focused on inviting speakers to inform the campus community about issues surrounding same-sex attraction, Refuge operates as a safe place for those actually experiencing questions of gender identity or sexual orientation.

In November 2012, the group settled upon the name “Refuge” in reference to Psalm 46, and the members drafted a guiding document, which has been reviewed by both Student Development and the Senior Administrative Cabinet (SAC).

The guiding document, which can be found in a link on Student Government’s website, says that the group exists “to provide a safe, encouraging, biblically faithful community for students who experience a sexual orientation and/or gender identity that varies from the majority” and “to support students as they journey to understand the relationship between their Christian faith and sexuality/gender identity.”

“I saw my future as something that was really bleak because, identifying as gay, I felt like I had been told that I was allowed to be a Christian as long as I fulfilled a certain set of requirements and as long as I stayed miserable and de-legitimized this very real aspect of my life,” a Refuge member said.

Senior Bryn Sandberg, the 2012-2013 EVP for Student Care, first became aware of the group after her election to Student Government in spring 2012.

“I’ve talked to several students who, prior to knowing about Refuge, felt isolated and alone, as if they were the only one in the Wheaton community who experienced this,” Sandberg said.

Refuge members have built relationships in the group by sharing their similar experiences.

“Last semester was one of the most difficult times of my life, and being here at Wheaton was hard,” a Refuge member said. “But I really connected with some of the people in the group, and they are some of my dearest friends now. People that I can’t imagine not having in my life, and I can’t imagine how I would have gotten through last semester without them.”

Humphreys explained that while Refuge is a place for conversation, it is not a counseling or a therapy group. Rather, it’s a place for students with shared life experiences to support their peers, a goal which correlates with the intention behind Community Groups in general.

As a formal Community Group, the Refuge students can now plan events and obtain educational materials through the Student Care Committee, which is under Student Government.

Sandberg explained that the group had been eager to begin advertising its meetings in November 2012, but they were then informed that they needed approval from SAC before moving forward.

Steve Ivester, director of Student Activities and chief advisor of Student Government, said that he met with Humphreys, Sandberg and several Refuge students in December 2012 to discuss the group’s official launch. At that time, Ivester requested that they hold off advertising for the group until a guiding document was written.

“I encouraged them to define their mission, vision, values and to connect their group identity to the mission of the College,” Ivester said. “While the guiding document for Refuge has entirely been student-written, I’ve collaborated with them in making revisions and edits.”

The group was officially supported, and Refuge’s guiding document was approved on Jan. 28. At this time, the group moved forward in conversations with Student Development, the Student Activities Office, the Student Care Committee and SAC about how to advertise for itself.

This prolonged process of the group’s approval testifies to the sensitivity of the issue of gender identity and sexual orientation on Christian campuses.

When Provost Stanton Jones first came to Wheaton College in 1981, he said that there was a “presumption that such experiences hardly existed at Wheaton” and that “there was just a veneer of discomfort and distaste in talking about (same-sex attraction).”

Jones, the author of “Homosexuality: The Use of Scientific Research in the Church’s Moral Debate,” has been studying issues of Christianity and homosexuality for the past 30 years.

While Jones called the change in attitude at Wheaton “painful and slow,” he said that the conversation about sexuality has improved overall.

“I think we’ve evolved, and in some ways Refuge represents the maturation of conversation,” Jones said. “(We are) getting to a point where Wheaton is reflecting the attitude of serious evangelicals saying that these issues are real for real people.”

As this group has developed, the administration has grappled with how Refuge can fulfill its mission in light of the Community Covenant.

The Covenant states that “Scripture condemns the following: sexual immorality, such as the use of pornography (Matt. 5:27-28), pre-marital sex, adultery, homosexual behavior and all other sexual relations outside the bounds of marriage between a man and woman.”

The distinction between the condemnation of homosexual behavior versus homosexuality is what Jones said is the critical nuance about the Community Covenant. Wheaton distinctly prohibits sexual relations outside the bounds of marriage between a man and woman, including pre-marital heterosexual activity and all homosexual activity.

“The Community Covenant does not condemn homosexuality; it condemns homosexual conduct as one example of sexual immorality,” Jones said. “So that’s one of the fundamental ways that we have to in a sense ‘clean up our language’ and try to be rigorous in the way that we think.”

Humphreys further explained, “These students, whether they are sometimes or all the time attracted to the same sex, it’s not necessarily a sin. When you act on something, when you move in that direction, when you pursue a direction, that is something that we would definitely need to look at in light of the Covenant. We could say the same for heterosexual students. If a heterosexual student lusts after someone, then that is something we need to actually challenge as they are breaking the Community Covenant, because sexual purity is for everyone.”

Paul Chelsen, vice president for Student Development, explained that if students were to cross the boundary of “homosexual conduct,” then the issue would be dealt with in the same manner as other issues related to the Community Covenant beginning with conversation, accountability and support.

Chelsen said there are still a few logistics to be ironed out: finding an advisor for Refuge, setting up a regular meeting time, fostering accountability and offering intentional educational engagement.

However, he said that the most important thing is that the group would show the “centrality of Christ” in all that it does.

“My first hope is that people will draw closer to Jesus. That’s really the most important thing that can be accomplished,” Chelsen said.

In a broader context, Jones hopes that evangelical Christians will approach issues of sexual identity and sexual orientation in a more balanced and nuanced manner.

“There’s a tendency for older, more traditional evangelicals to think that this issue is simple in the sense that it can be solved by sort of ‘wagging of the finger’ and the ‘just say no’ approach,” Jones said. “I pray that Wheaton College would be a place with an openness towards God that is grounded in biblical truth where we can really push and challenge each other for new ways to understand our experiences that can result in true, faithful pursuit of Christlikeness as we go through this process. And that’s why I’m hopeful for the future of Refuge.”

Looking into the future, Refuge, as the first group of its kind at Wheaton, could have the potential to serve as an example to other Christian campuses.

“As a confidential community group, I do not anticipate Refuge having a direct impact on other campuses,” President Philip Ryken said in an email. “When other colleges ask about our care for students and other programs, as they sometimes do, we are always ready to share what we are doing at Wheaton.”

A Refuge member also expressed hope that the Wheaton community will change its approach to this topic.

“There is no reason to fear talking about such topics, and I hope that our campus can approach conversations about the LGBTQ experience in a humble and loving way,” a Refuge member said. “We should be eager to talk honestly about it and not be afraid of perspectives that may be different from our own. I don’t think we should shy away from any conversation no matter how difficult it may seem to us.”

Messages about the future can bring up challenging questions and feelings of uncertainty for students questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity when they are surrounded by others making plans for life after Wheaton and discussing topics such as marriage.

“I came to understand that what I was told my future had to look like because I am gay was not something I was excited about,” a Refuge member said. “I think it is absolutely wrong to communicate to LGBTQ students that their future need be any less fulfilling than those of straight students just because of their orientation.”

Another source of frustration for Refuge members is the lack of sensitivity in language due to the assumptions about the gender identities and sexual orientations of Wheaton students.

“Whether because of the homophobic comments and jokes in the dorms … or the all-encompassing assumptions made in public … there are many ways that LGBTQ students can be made to feel marginalized or isolated,” a Refuge member said.

Though the student members of Refuge are grateful that the group has received official status on campus, they recognize the need to move forward with care.

“It’s hard because it’s a new conversation for Wheaton. It’s a new conversation for evangelical schools across the nation,” a Refuge member said. “It’s touchy, it’s a hot topic, it’s political in ways that I don’t think it should be and ways that are really frustrating. Once this becomes a controversial topic, we are limited in the way we are able to push forward in caring for the students on our campus.”

Despite the potential sensitivity of the issue, Stephen Kellough, the chaplain of Wheaton College, explained that sexuality is a relevant and important discussion for college-aged students.

“It’s very understandable and predictable that sexuality is an issue that is a concern to 18 to 22-year-old college students,” Kellough said. “It’s a deep issue, a sensitive issue, a sometimes controversial issue, and students come to their college years and their place here in college with different experiences and expectations.”

Through the conversational outlet Refuge provides, students have been able to open up about their experiences.

“We want Refuge to be a place that is inclusive in the truest meaning of the term,” a Refuge member said. “We want (members) to come as they are and to be free to identify their situation however they choose. Our hope is that students would feel comfortable to be real and authentic, and we want to show them the love of Christ and how valuable they are in their experience.”

Another Refuge member said, “I want people to understand that we are all on the same page here. (Offering support for students) isn’t something that is controversial, and I don’t think it should be. This is what we need to be striving to do as a community of Christians: supporting and loving each other and being authentic.”